For a Rose

It was a single dare that got us together. I was surprised to find myself comfortably enjoying times spent with you. We clicked. We danced the tide. We share moments of joy that pushed each other's sadness away. We found comfort in each other's misery, and we danced some more.

In our desperate attempt to forget, and beat the troubles down, we pushed it too hard and did the unthinkable, for as long as we were together. In that desolate place, we found our solace.

The good times spent came to an end as my realities were too grand to ignore, and I was left with no choice but to decide on what is best.

I did not leave you alone. I was just away for a while to chase a rainbow for whatever its worth. It took me a while to make up my mind but when I started packing, I knew then if I looked back I would have stopped myself. It was as if you heard my thoughts because you did not show up. No goodbyes, we promised.

I left with a heavy heart because you would be left alone, but I was comforted by the promises we have made and I did what I had to do.

Time flew and my return was met with sad realities, and once again, I forgot. I have forgotten why I left and why I have returned.

I have failed you as a friend. My best was not good enough, and I have not tried hard enough.

I am sorry.

I know things are not the same anymore, but I have faith that there will be better days, and that you will shine above it all.

you are a rose and these thorns will only make you stronger and better.

I am still here.

I have not gone that far.

I have forgiven you and I hope that you have forgiven me.

Forgiving myself would be the hardest part, but time heals all wounds.

No goodbyes. Only hellos.

Excess Baggage

Cleaning up my closet was the first thing I did today, as I have to move again in seach for my place in the stars.

A journey has ended and another one begins.

My life these past years consisted of packing up and unpacking, and then packing up some more. I give up some and gain more.

I actually find it therapeutic.

One by one I cleared my closet and I could not believe the number of baggage I have accumulated. From old love letters to highlighters, worn out shoes to happy meal toys, dried up roses pressed between pages of thick books to stuffed animals that have collected dust, and other things I cannot even remember what they are for.

Suddenly, it dawned on me, I do have a problem. I cannot seem to throw stuff away. For the sentimental values and what its worth, or maybe just my lousy rationalization.

It also occurred to me that I may have a bigger problem. I cannot seem to let go.

I must admit, denial is my third name and I am very good at hiding. I reckon, it is easier to see things in a negative way so when things wont work out the way I have hoped them to be, it would not hurt so bad, thus my seemingly endless cynicism.

There were also those times when I did put my heart on the line and risked breaking it and getting bruised, and letting go seemed to be an eternal curse.

Like my old stuffs in my closet, clinging to those failures and mistakes seemed like an easier way to escape. Afraid that throwing those stuffs away would mean losing the sentimental reasons for keeping them in the first place.

Afraid that letting go would mean losing a part of me that is broken. Getting used to my brokenness prevented me from healing, for in my misery I have found my solace.

Now I have realized that for me to go far, I have to travel light. I must throw away unnecessary baggage and to throw my cares to the wind.

I do not need things to remind me of the past, as it will infinitely be indelible in my mind and in my heart. It is just so amazing how the mind works.

Ironically, my moving on this time means going back. It is not deja vu but a reality check for me. Maybe I will make the same mistakes, maybe I wont. Maybe I will make it this time, maybe I wont. Maybe there will be more tears, or maybe there will be more laughter. I would not know for sure unless I try again.

Life is a bitch, and yes shit happens. I just have to deal with it.

I must choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance the tide.

Sway

I look into your eyes,

I bathe in their warmth.

Your gaze,

has so much meaning,

that we speak without a word.

I hold your hand,

and you grasp mine.

Your grip is steadying,

reassuring,

one from which i draw my strength.

I draw you close,

and in your embrace,

fervent and soothing,

I am content.

I am at home.