"Manang, I wanna see a beautiful butterfly next year, okay?", a very dear friend's birthday wish that got me feeling blessed and lucky despite everything that has happened to me in the last 5 years.
She is the surprise gift I have never expected to come into my life.
A few days ago I felt a bit sad, perhaps I was just having the birthday blues, or maybe I was slipping in a melancholic mood knowing that I am relocating soon in a foreign land with no one to turn to as I settle in.
I could not speak of it less I be accused of being emotional again, so I just simply act and speak unkindly and at times rudely to those who come near me so no one sees what's boiling inside me.
I am at peace venturing on this journey knowing that I have this opportunity to make myself better and then paying it forward, though in my heart of hearts I feel that I won't be missed and that is alright but the messianic complex in me speaks softly that I am not needed here anymore and strangely I find that heartbreaking.
Yesterday, I met up with a dear friend, my confidant, my shock absorber, the one who listens to me when no one would, who lifts me up when it feels the world is heavy upon my shoulder. The one who never stops encouraging me even when I have already given up on my dreams, who keeps nagging me that I should pack up some law books and still review for the bar, even when I have already given up on that.
Her confidence in me is so overwhelming that she has actually convinced me that I still deserve another chance, one shot at the bar before finally waving the white flag.
Today and 365 days from now, I will throw my cares to the wind, to heal, and to learn to appreciate myself more, and love myself first.
To Manang, I will not promise I will be better but I will try my very best to be good, to smell the flower, to take my time to appreciate the simplest of things, to be patient, to be compassionate, to be kind, and to choose to love, to give less of myself and receive more for myself, and then hopefully I will be better eventually, and actually turn into the butterfly you wish me to be.
I could not thank you enough, but thank you for accepting me for who and what I am when no one is watching, for making me love the very person that I am. Love you always and I will be missing you more. When you want to hear ghost stories, you can find me in my zoo :-)
I wish to share a beautifully written note from My Manang...
Manang, I wanna see a very beautiful butterfly next year okay? Go through the process Manang,
caterpillar= you now; eating of leaves=experiences in India;
turning into a cocoon=realizations, let them sink in-you have all the alone time you need;
emerging of a butterfly=the best manang, ready to spread her wings!
Happy birthday Manang! This year will be your year, your chance to get to know your true self and to shine is finally here. Make the best out of this rare opportunity. I will be missing you a lot but I am definite that after a year, when we meet again, you will be a happy, fulfilled and contented Terri. I love you manang, always remember that you are loved by many. Mwah! take care always!
(for JMTE)
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Monday, June 07, 2010
A Good Deed
Last night I became a recipient of a good deed from a stranger. I had no extra money to give as tip to the Taxi driver of plate number TWT816, so now I vow to pay it forward to another stranger.
I won't be telling what good deed I would be paying forward to someone else because it will cease to be a good deed.
I am just going to share the experience as it made me feel good and hope that it will encourage you to still believe in the goodness of everyone, no matter how small the value, or how irrelevant it may seem.
A good deed is a good deed worthy to be mentioned and acknowledged.
I have had this cough for almost a month now, and it is becoming productive, and the bad relapse of my sinusitis make my breathing hard. My doctor prescribed some over the counter medicines as this may be astmatic bronchitis. Worried it may worsen before my departure to India or that it may indeed become worse in India because of the change in temperature, I used the last of my pocket money (after giving my share of the bills) to buy the medicines that I have to take for a week.
My roommate and I went to the mall to pay the bills, withdrew the last of my savings, and bought the meds. The total cost was 729.50 php. This was not part of my budget, but I thought that if I could buy a pack of cigarettes a day, that is just 3 weeks of smoking money, and it is now taking its toll on me. We passed by the supermarket then took the taxi back to the apartment. Stopping near the gate I gave the driver 500 pesos bill and he quickly returned the exact change of 450 pesos. I said my usual "salamat po" and then alighted.
We prepared for dinner and chatted away. Later on at dinner, I have realized my meds were not with me and that I must have left them in the taxi. I felt bad because I really do not have the extra money to buy again as I have to save what little money I have for my fare to attend the training for my voluntary service overseas assignment.
What can one do under the circumstance but sleep things off. As I prepared to go to bed, Barrister my dog was barking loudly which usually means the irritating sound of the buzzer at the gate. My roommate went down to check. She returned with my meds. Apparently, the taxi driver asked those manning the water station near the gate to locate us so he could return the medicines dahil baka kailangan. He returned and went out of his way to give me back my medicines.
I felt undeserving of the good deed because I must have acquired this bad cough and cold from smoking and living an unhealthy lifestyle anyway, and I did not even give him a tip. But it made me feel good about myself somehow thinking that I must have done something right as well to deserve the kindness. I was not able to thank him personally so I vow to pay it forward, and maybe, just maybe, I must consider it a sign to quit smoking.
But then, this is not about me, this is dedicated to Manong Driver of the Taxi with plate number TWT816, maraming salamat po at sana makasakay uli ako sa inyo para kayo ay mapasalamatan.
I won't be telling what good deed I would be paying forward to someone else because it will cease to be a good deed.
I am just going to share the experience as it made me feel good and hope that it will encourage you to still believe in the goodness of everyone, no matter how small the value, or how irrelevant it may seem.
A good deed is a good deed worthy to be mentioned and acknowledged.
I have had this cough for almost a month now, and it is becoming productive, and the bad relapse of my sinusitis make my breathing hard. My doctor prescribed some over the counter medicines as this may be astmatic bronchitis. Worried it may worsen before my departure to India or that it may indeed become worse in India because of the change in temperature, I used the last of my pocket money (after giving my share of the bills) to buy the medicines that I have to take for a week.
My roommate and I went to the mall to pay the bills, withdrew the last of my savings, and bought the meds. The total cost was 729.50 php. This was not part of my budget, but I thought that if I could buy a pack of cigarettes a day, that is just 3 weeks of smoking money, and it is now taking its toll on me. We passed by the supermarket then took the taxi back to the apartment. Stopping near the gate I gave the driver 500 pesos bill and he quickly returned the exact change of 450 pesos. I said my usual "salamat po" and then alighted.
We prepared for dinner and chatted away. Later on at dinner, I have realized my meds were not with me and that I must have left them in the taxi. I felt bad because I really do not have the extra money to buy again as I have to save what little money I have for my fare to attend the training for my voluntary service overseas assignment.
What can one do under the circumstance but sleep things off. As I prepared to go to bed, Barrister my dog was barking loudly which usually means the irritating sound of the buzzer at the gate. My roommate went down to check. She returned with my meds. Apparently, the taxi driver asked those manning the water station near the gate to locate us so he could return the medicines dahil baka kailangan. He returned and went out of his way to give me back my medicines.
I felt undeserving of the good deed because I must have acquired this bad cough and cold from smoking and living an unhealthy lifestyle anyway, and I did not even give him a tip. But it made me feel good about myself somehow thinking that I must have done something right as well to deserve the kindness. I was not able to thank him personally so I vow to pay it forward, and maybe, just maybe, I must consider it a sign to quit smoking.
But then, this is not about me, this is dedicated to Manong Driver of the Taxi with plate number TWT816, maraming salamat po at sana makasakay uli ako sa inyo para kayo ay mapasalamatan.
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