Just Thinking Out Loud

In life we make decisions and the uncertainties of these decisions may even shock our senses and scare the hell out of us. It is not about making the right or wrong decision it is about taking that step and taking responsibility for making a decision, whether right or wrong.

In the end, we are the ones who took that first hit, that first blow, that first hello, even that first kiss. Nobody pointed a gun to our heads to make that first move. Our instinct, our pride, our emotions, our arrogance, our own way of thinking, and even our own prejudices, made us come up with that decision.

To pin it down to someone else, to say that we were pressured to take that plunge to come up with a decision, is just plain immature, reckless and prude, if I may verbalize the actuality of the actions.

Yes, I speak my mind quite eloquently and most of the time quite heedlessly, but I take responsibility and sole ownership for it.

I mean what I say and I say what I mean, and almost always, words do get in the way, and quite frequently I choke on my own words.

I make no apologies for saying what I mean, and meaning what I say, but I do sincerely make apologies for how I may have said it, and how my words are being interpreted and understood.

It can be quite tiring having to make all the efforts to express one’s thoughts, one’s feelings, and one’s past or future, when all that is being understood is how it has been expressed. One can be judged as either being self-righteous, self-absorbed, self-serving or selfish. “Self” seems to be the common word.

It is like talking to a cold wall. All you get is an echo of your own voice and still you get to apologize.

All things being considered, language barrier, cultural differences, manner of speaking, way of thinking, spoken or written words, age, gender, sexual preferences, professionalism, profession, expertise, experiences, level of understanding, points of view, beliefs or even creed, gravity still tells you the world is flat and everything you throw up in the air, falls down on the ground.

Do I understand you? Do you understand me? Are we having an understanding?

It is like asking which came first, the chicken or the egg.

It is a vicious cycle and quite frankly, after all that has been said and done, you are left feeling drained.

Again, this is just me, thinking out loud.