This is My Obsession

Somebody described me as obsessive today. I cannot blame him. You are who you are to some people because of how you project yourself to be. It is not a judgment of character. It is a mere statement of how they perceive you to be.

I cannot fight it anymore. I rest my case even before I get the chance to present it.

Albert Einstein defines insanity as doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. I must be mad then for doing the same thing over and over and still hopes to achieve a different result.

Fact is, I obsess about the things I have not done and for the things I have done. I obsess about the things that might have been and for the things that could have been. I obsess about things that I could have done differently and wonder obsessively about how I have managed to miss my chances and let time go by. I obsess about the little things that go unnoticed.

Most of the time, I end up speaking my heart metaphorically and leave my mind's relentless obsessions literally spoken. Most often than not, I find it hard to get the message across and it bothers me but there is only so much that I can do.

I feel the twinge every time, almost believing what people think of me, that I am just obsessing about things and that I should just learn to let go. Easier said than done, and although it is a sound advice I still cannot help but be the person that I am whom almost everyone do not know about.

I must admit, I seem to be stuck and glued to the ground where I was and used to be. It prevents me from moving forward, from moving on because I have not mustered the courage to beat the person that I wish I am not.

George Eliot said that “it is never too late who you might have been”, I cannot say the same for me. It seems to me, no matter where I go or what I would do, I still come back to think the same and feel the same. Inasmuch as I would like to say that I have come full circle after a short period of being gone, I have not really left. I was neither there nor here and it hurts. It pains me even more to realize that as a matter of fact. I must be mad and I am obsessing about it.



May 14, 2011
11:55AM