Quid Pro Quo

Blogging on the internet has come a long way. Talking about expressing one’s self, this is the right place to be to do the “write” stuff.

Talking about life and for the lack of it, I say I am standing on the edge of the earth. Other than hope and faith, I believe more in Tolkien’s Middle Earth or Gaiman’s Stardust. I believe that glass flowers can turn into fairies, and witches do exist to give you bright red apples when you starve in the middle of a forest. I believe in the curses of nature. I believe that what you give you will get in return. Quid pro quo.

I have stopped believing in faith realizing that it is not tangible. I have stopped holding on to hope because it did clip my wings. I am simply sashaying through the best of times and the worse of times. I toss a coin when I feel like it. Head or tail doesn’t matter I just enjoy tossing a coin and sometimes I imagine it being suspended in the air, falling only in a flick of my finger.

This is my present state of mind, suspended in the air. Inanimate moments of silence while staring at my own black shadow, overwhelmed by the smell of rain on melted earth as I bask in my own fears.

I have reached the pit some time in the past and the pendulum still sways.

Colored candies and holy smokes can only do so much to calm the rising tide inside and they are nothing but temporary salve.

I sleep less and I smoke a lot.

And yet I manage to be reasonable, but not quite enough to find the answers to my seemingly perpetual quest for the truth that I cannot handle.

I chanced upon an old friend today and somehow I felt a certain relief. There’s no point drowning in my own misery if there is still something I can do about it. What you give is what you get in return.

Quid Pro Quo.

Maria's Blues

Happiness she sought in one

and found in him an uncanny son.

Time-shared now long gone

for thoughts unreal, an adventure of fun.

Now she sits alone and waits,

understanding what love from hate.

Never knowing when he’ll open the gates,

to his heart she awaits for fate.

But in this time reality amends,

the enemy she tries to defend.

Nevertheless there will come an end,

when life itself death did befriend.

She sits still wondering,

staring into her mind she sulks.

A figure exterior proud,

yet chaos dwells within.

The scent of fruits surrounds her skin,

and an air of gloom holy facade, disfigured beauty,

searching endlessly for love unkind,

her words unwind, the longing for death.

Message from Pooh

If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart.. I’ll always be with you.
-- Winnie the Pooh

Giving Away

When you put yourself out there, bite more than you can chew and play a game you do not know the rules for sure, is that an emotional investment?

In a story about relationships, almost always there seems to be a double standard. He said she said kind of thing. He says we are just having a good time and she says let us see how far this goes, and he keeps doing what he does best and she is blind sided by giving it away not knowing nor understanding the consequences.

Like losing a piece of a puzzle that is she while he says that is all her.

It all starts with the slightest friendly gesture, one hello it is how it starts as the popular song would tell you.

Then they exchange stories, the wooing is tangled up in the friendly gestures and romantic innuendo is somewhere between the lines.

He digs deeper into her and after proving his sincerity she opens up allowing herself to be driven, taking the passenger's seat and pretty much enjoying the view of what is yet he would call an adventure.

He has invested to make sure his goal is achieved, while she is left to wonder, what now?

He has taken something from her.

She has given something away.

It is not a case of quid pro quo because what is at stake is not something one gives to get the same thing back. If only that is the case then there would be no more people walking around with their hearts on their sleeves.

No balls and chains there. Nobody forced no one into giving away what not. It is all you.