Quid Pro Quo

Blogging on the internet has come a long way. Talking about expressing one’s self, this is the right place to be to do the “write” stuff.

Talking about life and for the lack of it, I say I am standing on the edge of the earth. Other than hope and faith, I believe more in Tolkien’s Middle Earth or Gaiman’s Stardust. I believe that glass flowers can turn into fairies, and witches do exist to give you bright red apples when you starve in the middle of a forest. I believe in the curses of nature. I believe that what you give you will get in return. Quid pro quo.

I have stopped believing in faith realizing that it is not tangible. I have stopped holding on to hope because it did clip my wings. I am simply sashaying through the best of times and the worse of times. I toss a coin when I feel like it. Head or tail doesn’t matter I just enjoy tossing a coin and sometimes I imagine it being suspended in the air, falling only in a flick of my finger.

This is my present state of mind, suspended in the air. Inanimate moments of silence while staring at my own black shadow, overwhelmed by the smell of rain on melted earth as I bask in my own fears.

I have reached the pit some time in the past and the pendulum still sways.

Colored candies and holy smokes can only do so much to calm the rising tide inside and they are nothing but temporary salve.

I sleep less and I smoke a lot.

And yet I manage to be reasonable, but not quite enough to find the answers to my seemingly perpetual quest for the truth that I cannot handle.

I chanced upon an old friend today and somehow I felt a certain relief. There’s no point drowning in my own misery if there is still something I can do about it. What you give is what you get in return.

Quid Pro Quo.