for joshua

you give strenth when i feel like giving up.

you keep me smiling even when hope seems bleak.

you give me comfort when the world seems cold.

you make me feel everything is going to be alright because you never complained.

you are the sunshine through the rain.

you are my reason for living to keep you alive.

you have held my hand when i wandered around.

please hold my hand now little angel for i am wandering still.

When You're Here

That's when I miss you most.
When you're here.
When you aren't here,
When you're just a ghost from the past,
or a dream from another life,
it's easier then.

kung kelan tahimik ako

you asked me ba't ako hindi nagsasalita
sabi mo pa nga sobrang tahimik ko
pag ako ba nagsalita
makikinig ka?
or do you just want to hear yourself?

i opened my mouth to verbalize it
the what, the why
but i choked on my own words
i can only pretend a smile
to hide my pains away.

if my silence bothers you
engage me in still idleness
maybe you'll catch a tear
maybe you wont
but at least i know
it is my voice you wish to hear.

bakit ganon
kung kailan tahimik ka
saka ka hahanapan ng sasabihin
kung wala ka ng sasabihin
iisipin ang damot mo na.

ask me again how i am
when you are ready to listen
when you can accept the truth
that i too can break and fall
i am not made of bricks
and i am capable of feeling
and i break easily.

ask me again
only this time
say it without words
just hold my hand
perhaps a hug
maybe a pat in the back
a smile
a face.

A broken winged bird

the night seems still but not my heart
i beckon a song
but it slips my tongue
i cannot remember
the last time
i felt deeply restful
when the stars just glow
and the sky is nothing but blue.

from a friend
this i post
to those wanting to know
or plainly just curious
here is what
i wish to share
when no one is there
or simply couldn't care.

The Bird That Couldn't Fly © By Rebecca Bagley

You couldn't understand,even if you tried,the reason that she cries at night,the reason she tries to hide.

Don't try to come close,she'll just push you away,there's something that you don't know,words she couldn't say.

She tries with all her might,to be herself around her friends,but something doesn't feel right,a broken heart that could not mend.

She pretends that she's strong,a tough outer shell,but there's always something wrong,she's trapped in her Hell.

She wants to speak,to tell you all the truth,but she is way too weak,broken without any glue.

Painfully shy;the bird that couldn't fly.Dying on the inside;a body without a mind.

Maybe if you took the time,find the person she tries to be.

Maybe if you looked inside,you'd realize she is me."

It is finished

My life is about chapters
One has closed
and another is closing in.

One is over.

One is finished.

One is so through.

Am I glad?

too soon to tell

But I am relieved.

I was pricked and I bled.

A bandaid called a "friend"

kissed the pain away

and I am healed.

I am relieved.

I am not mad or acting crazy

neither am i really crazy.

I simply choose to be me

and damn it feels so good!

It is finished.

Manang

What makes me happy? you asked after I told you I was sad.

I couldn't think of one.

I was selfish.

I was blinded by my insatiable thirst for the filling for that empty niche inside me that I couldn't see the ugly truth before my very eyes.

I was in denial. I am a fraud. I am a fake.

But not anymore.

Today I think of tomorrow and it will all be over. I cried my last.

I have so much to thank for and you are the icing on the cake.

Manang, words are not enough to thank you for not one second did you let me down. Not for one moment did you give up on me even when I have already given up on myself.

It has been a pleasure and a joy taking this journey with you.

I am eternally grateful for the true friendship you have shown me.

I bit more than I could chew but you were there day by day helping me swallow the morsel of that scattered trust.

Manang I am pleased to tell you that I am happy.

I am happy because it will be over soon and you never let me down.

After tomorrow is a whole new battle for me but whether I am prepared or not, I will face it head on.

I know that I can fall. I can falter. I can stumble. I can cry. I can be me.

Because...

you are there.

gracias manang nuay tu komigo deha.

(for jayne marie)