The cigarette butt is burning my index and middle fingers, and as I inhale the last of its smoke, I saw a brief picture of my life in a minute, capping it off with my present state of mind.
It would be easier to just let things be and wallow in misery, because after all I have tried hard enough and the harder I try the more illusive dreams can be.
Sulking becomes a natural reflex cushioned only by the tears shed inside.
Incessantly I continue to run away unbridled by what is constant if only to keep me sane.
I count countless herds of sheep before I sleep at night and yet I still cannot seem to rest my mind, and sleep has become an enemy.
I am reminded of one of my trips to the islands in my province in Tawi-Tawi, Southern Philippines, sailing on a small motorized boat fit only for at least three persons. We entrusted our journey to our “bankero” who, without a compass used only the clouds' patterns and the wind direction as his guide and as always, we arrive at our destination without being eaten by sharks or being held hostage by pirates.
If only I could just pray to the sea for signs of my fate, I would journey through life with only the night stars as my guide.
I would not mind.
But life is not about wishful thinking and what if’s and what could-have-been's.
Life’s surprises do not come in pretty wrappings with colorful ribbons. They come in unanticipated fashion that can bring out the best and worst in you.
Life is about taking calculated steps on a tight rope balancing on thin air, and there is no looking back.
Whether I reach the other end or not solely depend on me.
Damn if I do and damn if I don’t.
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